Sunday, June 1, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I had high hopes. All they had to do was stick to the Indiana Jones tried-and-true methods. It could've been a great, late addition to the series, much like the most recent Die Hard. I should've known better.

The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull got George Lucas-iszed. It was painfully bad. There was waay too much CG, and it was shockingly obvious that it was CG. Even when the sets weren't rendered by computers, too many of them were obviously soundstages. Poorly disguised sound stages.

On top of all that, the dialogue was horrible. It was uber cheesy and the pacing was entirely too slow. The cuts were too slow as well. The camera stayed on shots for much too long. The action was ponderous as well.

Even the soundtrack seemed to be thrown together on somebody's keyboard at the last minute. It was heavy-handed, telegraphing every emotion and situation. The whole thing was essentially a loop of the Indiana Jones theme at differing volumes. It was also ever-present - there was never a moment of peace.

To top it all off, the plot was outlandish beyond reason. Just ridiculous.

Essentially, this new Indiana Jones is much like the new Star Wars movies were ... bad. George Lucas should've left well enough alone.

Final Grade: F

Blurb: Terrible, terrible remake. George Lucas should not be allowed to make movies. The only reason this didn't get the lowest grade possible (F m-i-n-e-s) is because of the nostalgia factor. Seriously, please don't see this.


  1. instead of guns, did the bad guys have walkie-talkies? hopefully lucas/spielberg didn't stoop THAT low.

  2. I actually thought it was entertaining. But then again, so was the latest Rambo (the one where he's like 82 years old, yet still ridiculously muscular).

    My main problem with it (aside from the horrendously awful Tarzan scene - you know the one I'm talking about) was the plot. Without giving it away... are you kidding me?

    I guess it was obvious they were going there with it, but I kept hoping they'd come up with something better. They can take their stupid ending and shove it up their space between spaces.

  3. Good call Robert. When I saw Shia in the trees, I hoped against hope they wouldn't go there ...

    I also kind of liked the new Rambo. Maybe I just wasn't in the right mood.

  4. two words will help you appreciate this movie more: suspended disbelief.
    i just think if you walked into any spielberg blockbuster like this and expected realism, you of course won't get what you want.

    re: plot, what's more unrealistic than a whip-toting archeologist? and how is it more plausible to remove a man's heart from his chest just by reaching in, or a templar knight holding guard for 700 years?

    re: cgi, read this

  5. Even if suspend my disbelief, the "space between spaces" does NOT belong in an Indy movie. I could have dealt with some mystical-native-voodoo-magic-thing (which would definitely fit in with the previous three movies), but they just went with the "Lucasian" answer to everything.

    Of course, after the latest Star Wars movies I should have seen it coming.