Friday [P]Review: 5.09.08

First of all, sorry for the lack of reviews (to my three readers). I'm in Madison substitute teaching (AKA yelling at kids for money) and I've got a cold, so I've been doing a lot of napping.

Redbelt: I'm afraid that MMA (mixed martial arts) movies are going to emerge as the male equivalent of all those dancing movies (Stomp the Yard, Step Up, Step Up 2 the Streets, You Got Served ("What does that even mean?!"), How She Move, Feel the Noise etc., etc., barf). I understand that the sport is at it's highest level of popularity to date (based on ratings/sales of UFC bouts), but do we need more of these movies? Did Jean-Claude Van Damme teach us nothing? The only thing that intrigues me about this movie is Chjwetel Ejofor, the actor that plays the movie's main character (you might know him better as the villain in this movie or the semi-villain in this one). Unlike Van Damme and Ralph Macchio, Ejofor actually has acting talent (and the ability to read). It's getting slightly positive reviews (scoring a 69/100 @ Metacritic, 60% fresh @ Rotten Tomatoes, and a 3.0 GPA over at Yahoo!). Those are surprising numbers given the subject matter. Since I'm a sucker for good action movies--and I think this title falls under that heading--I'll probably end up renting it.

Speed Racer: I'll come right out and say it: I liked all three Matrix movies. Was the first one much better than the sequels? Yes. But I still thought 2 and 3 were decent movies (or, at least, not as terrible as everybody made them out to be). However, I seem to be on the other side of the fence with V for Vendetta as I was seriously annoyed--at points--and I don't want to see it again (ever). I'm intrigued by Speed Racer simply because it's from the Wachowski Brothers. But the thing that will keep me from catching it on the big screen is the fact that no preview I've watched has given me even the slightest idea of a storyline beyond "racing" and "special effects." (Also, I think my dislike for the film's star, Emile Hirsch, has been documented.) The consensus from Rotten Tomatoes only confirms my suspicions: "The Wachowski Brothers have overloaded Speed Racer with headache-inducing special effects, and neglected to develop a coherent storyline." However, if I were forced--at knifepoint--to see a movie opening this weekend, it might be Speed Racer, simply because I'm intrigued ... but I haven't offended White Power Bill, so I don't anticipate getting forced into picking a movie.

What Happens in Vegas: ...should have stayed in post production until after I died. I looked over his resume, and I can't name one Ashton Kutcher movie that I've liked. I don't think there's a movie that stars Cameron Diaz that I want to watch again. I have a feeling that this movie is going to be about as high quality as the movie poster pictured above. I'm sure there are two laughs in this film--probably coming from Zach Galifianakis and Rob Corddry (one laugh from each of them)--but I'd rather watch Diaz's In Her Shoes while getting soy sauce poured over the papercuts in the webbings of my toes than pay $8.50 for a ticket to this show.